Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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