I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
