How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
