Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
