So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've blown a few things in my day
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
