After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
