Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
