Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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