if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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