you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
