uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
