i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
