Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
