I should be sponsored by Trojan
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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