Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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