mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
