I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
