i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
and she was petting her beer can
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
