Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
