booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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