Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
