does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
