I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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