You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
