She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I love having hate sex.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
