Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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