You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
