I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
me + whiskey = a bad person
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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