I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
