She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
