Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
