I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
