A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
