I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
