the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
