my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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