____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
