I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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