Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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