oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
