The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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