My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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