I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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