Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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