I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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