I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
