It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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