Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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