is your mom at the bar?
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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