i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
