Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
