We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
