Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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