they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
