I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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