boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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