There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
