i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
